YA LEUM.4 — I had images of us together, a bright image of you…
CHEESY ALERT! THE FOLLOWING POST IS FULL OF SWEETNESS AND ROMANCE
I woke up fine, did my the morning routine and joined Madalena in the common area since she woke up before me.
“Maybe we should travel together” — still thinking to myself about yesterday’s episode
“Seriously, guys and their theories at 4 am. Impressive. Wait, did I get his name right?
I was on my way to meet Madalena and tell her the story of the day before when I am surprised by yesterday’s guy:
“ So, I shared with my brother the idea of traveling together and he also found a great a idea to travel with you and your friend! We find you both fun, and we believe we can learn new things from you. “
For me it felt a hell of an approach. I do not know if I was surprised by the honesty or the speed. Later I thought to myself — “Maybe that is what people say about traveling together — Yes, I get it now.”
In fact, in the backpacking world traveling in group is highly common. How does it work?
There are a couple of options: You meet someone at a hostel or in a tour, after spending some time together sightseeing and eating out you both realize you are doing the same route so you start discussing about getting to the next destination together. In other cases you don’t need to plan much since your individual plans are the same. If it is like that even better — then you share the accommodation.
Then, there is also the option you change your plan because you met someone so cool and interesting. Can you imagine how good it feels to change a plan just because you met someone you got along with? Other times you want to travel together with someone but you are traveling opposite directions — and that is just sad.
Last time I was in Thailand I met a solo traveler, however week after week he start joining other travelers and the day I met him he was travelling with a group of 13 people already for a month! That was the most impressive case I saw!
Finally, that was not such a big deal, but I was just traveling for 3 weeks so everything was new. Still I was happy that came so quickly and someone showed interested to travel with us. I like to be in the spirit!
So, I shared with Madalena the proposal — “Do you remember the guy I talked yesterday. Mathieu right? He spoke with his brother and they would like to travel with us. What do you think?”
Madalena is even more relaxed than me and like me she also likes to be in the spirit! So, always open for new thing she says “ yes, why not? It seems fun”.
After that I let it go because I also did not know how these things work. I thought you get the person’s number; you keep in contact and later in your own journey you travel together. I don’t know why, but that’s what I imagined.
Hours later, let’s say no more than two — Mathieu approached me in the common area:
“ So, when you guys would like to travel?”
“ Well, in 2 days we are going to a mediation retreat for three days” — I said
“ That is great. We can meet you after that. Look”
And the he takes the map and starts sharing his idea for the meeting point, where we can go, what are the logistics, what we can do.
I do not know about you guys, but I am much slower planning such things. Me personally, never met no one like that before. So engaged I mean!
He made a rough plan — “You finish your retreat here, you and Madalena take a bus until this city. We all meet together in the same city. Then we stay over one night, rent motorcycles, leave our luggage in the hostel and do the golden triangle loop. We can do the loop more east, or more west. Let’s see. I heard it is very nice this area because you can see Laos from this point here. And bla and bla”.
I nodded excited but with little engagement. First, I have not even heard about this so known touristic triangle. It’s the golden triangle where the boarders of Myanmar, Thailand and Laos meet at the confluence of Mekong and Ruak river. Shame on me!
Second, in the heat of the moment people plan a ton and at the end things barely happen. That is just life in general. Nevertheless, I am not a party pooper so I shared the plan with Madalena and she also liked it!
We had two more days in Pai before going to the retreat. Our departure time was at 5pm, so during the day we planned to go to the pool with the whole group. Again, it was so much fun!
At the pool, Mathieu asked me “What if we join you girls in your meditation retreat?”
He mentioned before he would like to attend a meditation retreat, but I did not dare to invite. Nevertheless, he did not seem bothered to invite himself. I liked that!
Mathieu and his brother Pierre just could make it in the day after because they promised a farewell dinner for everyone since they spent one month in Pai… They asked us to stay and leave all together. They convinced us saying the party would be a blast!
What happened after was a mission — our bus was planned 2 hours later so we quickly arranged a new schedule, exchanged our tickets at the station, found an available phone, hoped we could extend one night at the hostel, ask the retreat whether we could cancel the first day and bring two more people along… We made it!
Back to the hostel, we started preparing dinner. As always we were a big group in the kitchen cooking, playing guitar, singing, chopping vegetables, cracking jokes, telling travel adventures, talking about new countries. Is that how spontaneity feels like?
I made a break from the guys to call Mathieu as he was repairing the tent. One hour later, Pierre shouted, “Guys, come for dinner! You guys are very talkative” We returned and the gathering was great! I keep that nice memory.
In the day after we had to be ready at 6 am to go to the meditation retreat. After two hours bus ride we were dropped on a road in the countryside.
“You will see a big sign, get that street, after a while the street goes up, on top you turn left, cross a small grass path, continue straight, you will see the sign Pa Pae Meditation Retreat. There, you arrive in the main area. I will pick you up myself.”
A magical place, coated in quietness, filled with flowers and trees.
A place of slow living to observe ourselves in detail.
To give a break to the outside world. To breathe Mother Nature. To find stillness in the mind.
Calmly, joyfully, in peace, letting the bliss appear pure and clear in the soul.
Upon arrival, Mali welcomed us. Also she is carried with joy and calmness. She explained the logistics, handed over white garments and informed us about our first meeting with the monk.
It was my first time in a meditation retreat. I was so thrilled to start.
Three days meditation retreat, 3 times a day, one hour each, always in different settings: Bonfire meditation, bamboo swing mediation, walking meditation, meditation by the river, meditation in the forest…my favorite was the river meditation. We were supposed to only have two meals a day, but they knew we were beginners, so we had the third meal at 5pm. In our breaks, we could read or just enjoy as we wished, preferably in silence. To sleep, women and man were split in different lodges. I stayed in a cozy bamboo lodge, with a mat on the floor and probably a flowery vintage bed sheet. The monk was kind and patient to hear our questions, guided beautiful meditations and shared his learning as a Buddhist.
Before the evening meditation we had a break around 4pm . The group used to sit together to use the opportunity to share learning or get to know each other. At some point I was talking to Mathieu about general topics — I can’t recall the content but it was a nice conversation. Although in the first night Mathieu said something that caught my attention, after that, no sign on earth he could be possibly interested. Although I thought I read some signs… I learnt later, it is just part of his personality to be all-in.
During this conversation, there was a nice back and forth interaction, but at some point he started acting oddly to my words. He did not say anything at first, but as I was talking he stopped interacting and changed his body language, but I ignored. For me it was one more conversation about life. The ones knowing me know I am very easily engaged in such topics.
Ten minutes later, Mali called us for the upcoming meditation therefore I ended the chat promptly. Mathieu kindly added “ Very nice what you are saying. I like girls like you. The man you will marry will be very lucky.” I smiled and we left. That comment did not hit me. It was not the first time I have heard a nice comment, plus his tone was very practical.
The monk had planned an evening meditation in the forest. We arrived at the meeting point with daylight to clean the area, prepare it comfortably and set the candles. The monk said a few words, the sun set and we started.
Mathieu sat beside me… how surprising! Or did I sit beside him?
Doesn’t matter! I closed my eyes, focused on my toes, slowly became aware of my left leg, breathed in, breathed out, followed the voice of the monk, inhaled, exhaled, inhaled, exhaled…
“ WAIT! What does he mean he likes girls like me? Like generally speaking? Or he liked what I was saying? Like “ you have good ideas, nice points”? Or was a way to be nice? …What did I say exactly?… Furthermore, what did he mean with “the man you will marry will be lucky”? Was it like a random way to say I am a nice person? Or does he mean I am special? What was exactly the tone he used? Should have I said something else? Or..? But..” — Clearly I lost focus on the meditation after 3 minutes sitting. I revised those sentences in a loop, putting all possible perspectives and imagining different scenarios.
I was in such a loop I opened the corner of my right eye just in case somebody could be going through the same. You never know right… Needless to say — I have not meditated a single second, unless those two statements worked as mantra.
The meditation ended, we cleaned the area, heard the tomorrow instructions, Namaste, let’s go to sleep.
As everybody is walking back to the lodge in silence and quietness, Mathieu pokes me on the shoulder and whispers “ hey, I need to talk to you”
“Yes” — I said curious but not knowing at all what he was talking about.
The group met shortly in the common area, but we did not dare to go apart to talk.
Next day was the last day at the retreat: at 6.30 am we had a walking meditation, I got two “good mornings” from Mathieu in case I have not heard first time, after we had our last lunch, packed our stuff, took some pictures, had the last meditation session and said goodbye to everyone.
I am grateful to Mali, to the monk and to this incredible place that offered us their time, gentleness and heart.
Once more, we put on our backpacks and prepared to start traveling again.
Let our journey begin!
Our goal was to reach Chiang Rai to start a motorcycle loop around Northwest of Thailand for 5 days. How does that sound for you? Dreamy, adventurous, beautiful, fun, unforgettable? Now, make it double!
Outside the Pa Pae retreat we returned to the main road to start hitchhiking as far as possible. We were lucky! Perhaps we were in the right spirit as we got a lift from the first car passing by. We were 8 hours apart from Chiang Rai therefore we would need to split the rides. The first lift dropped us in the chaotic city of Mae Taeng. Still too far from Chiang Rai. So, we blindly looked at the map and point to a city that could be possibly easier to reach — Fang. That time was so difficult to get a lift! We were in such a busy area, packed with cars, trucks, pollution, heat, food stalls and us, asking every single car for a lift. It took long time but we made it! We got another lift until Fang in the back of a truck full of god knows what!
We slept over in Fang to be able to take the morning bus to Chiang Rai. Still had time to do small sightseeing, get thai-french-fries, meditate together and get a free breakfast!
The bus ride until Chiang Rai was a scene taken from a cinematic travel movie: a vintage blue bus, windows open enough to let the right breeze get in, moving softly along the vivid greens of the dense trees. Sometimes the leaves were glowing in golden tones and I could follow the pace of their dancing in the wind. An inner bliss struck within me in a format of a gentle smile to my deeper self.
A precious instant that made bus journeys one of my favorite things to do in Asia.
After that evening meditation I could not focus, the bus ride was the first time Mathieu and I talked. We talked nonstop. We said everything we could in that moment. We talked until we were crushed by our own tiredness. We tried to cover all the topics we have been holding for so long. Not just since we met, but since I remember filtering thoughts among people… Pierre turned his head and said once again “Guys, you never stop talking!”. We smiled and continued.
Arriving in Chiang Rai, it was time to look for a guesthouse, a motorcycle rental and organize the plan of our 5 days Golden Triangle Loop. After arranging the logistics, we talked again until 4 am.
Next day at 8 am, we were fresh to take the motorcycle and leave the city.
The following 5 days were pure bliss.
The Chiang Rai loop starts in Chiang Mai and covers an area of 720 km, crossing the highest peaks of Thailand. The route has a lot of steep slopes and curvy roads going over the mountains. The roads are well paved, little trafficked, with dozens of kilometres of superb landscapes. The driving is not for everyone since it can be a little dangerous, but the slower you drive the more you see.
The days were busy between driving and pauses to see the nature. It felt so free to be in a motorcycle with no major goals in mind, appreciating beauty and looking for the next place to sleep at the end of each day. Mathieu and I on one motorcycle, Madalena and Pierre on another one.
Mathieu and I wanted to spend all the possibly time together. Get to know each other became the most urgent purpose for us.
One time, the four of us planned to make a sightseeing stop along the way. Right at the entrance of the spot, we lost track of Madalena and Pierre as they took different routes. Then we stopped hoping they would show up at any moment.
We were waiting and Mathieu starts…
“That night of the evening meditation something happened. That is what I wanted to talked to you.
I could not meditate. After our conversation, you showed up in my thoughts.
Then I had images of us together.
Instantly I had a flash.
I saw you in a white dress, marrying me. More than one time
You don’t know yet, but you will be my wife.
I smiled then I laughed, as it could not be true. Out of fear, hope and desire.
In front of my eyes I had the most gentle man I met.
Filled with pure joy and genuine care
Moving lightly like a weightless feather
Revealing the size of his soul
And unfolding the extension of his courage.
Fearless, Sharp
A man who listens feelings before thoughts
He crosses the immense desert
As the sun burns in the sky
As the moon emerges its light
Until the end of time
Where he can find finally his shining star.
Patricia Assis
May 2017
